From vladimir@chinook.physics.utoronto.ca Thu Oct  5 18:13:49 EDT 1995


I found this on a sidewalk. It is a newspaper on 4 pages. I am posting the 
upper half of the first page. Still ROTFL...

- Smirnov
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			DHE TIMES OV TORONTO

			   AAGUST,1995

		KANADA'S INTERNASIONAL NUUZPAPER

	Dhe wurld's furst nuuzpaper tu bi printed in dhe kanadan langweej
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			Ruussial Summari

			KROKODIIL DAI

	Moskao/Moskva (TPI) - Ruussia's ansient krokodiil, Kolya, whuuz
laif began in dhe era ov dhe Zars, hav daied ov old aaj in Yekaterinburg
(dhe sitti in witch Zar Nikkolas 2 and his famili wer ekzekuuted in 1918,
on dhe orders ov Lenin).
	Kolya survived tu wurld-wars, a revolusion, and a sivil war, tu
biikum Ruussia's oldest rekordaized krokodiil. Dhe zooal direktor sed dhat
Kolya arraived in Yekaterinburg betwiin 1913 and 1915, wen hi waz part ov
animalus sho witch tuured dhe rejion.
	Dhe direktor regreted dhat no lokal taksidermist waz skilful
enuf tu stuf Kolya. Insted, his skeleton wil bi displeeed.
	Haoever, sinse 1991 dheer ar menni nu krokodiils in Ruussia,
bekaaz dhat nasion's millionor ar purchasing dhem, and bilding spesial 
swimming puuls for dhem. Dhe nuli rich sitizens luuvaiz ekzotik pets.

			Fashional Summari

			GUCCI MURDERED

	Milano (D.T.O.T.) - Maurizio Gucci, son ov wun ov dhe wurld's
liiding fashional familis, waz shot (shuuted) tu deth in daontaonus
Milano, dhe deziinal kapitol ov Italia. Dhe grandson ov dhe faondor ov
dhe Gucci dinasti had just entered dhe bilding wheer he wurkkaized,
wen an elegantli dresed asasin folloed him intu dhe foier and shuuted
him. Dhe milanoal poliis not hav meeked an arest.
	Graco Gucci (c=ch) faonded dhe familial korporasion in 1922,
and hi emfasaized florentiinus artistri in lether guds. Dhe Gucci
dubbel-G simbol biikumed sinonimus with stiil and snob apiil. Dhe
faonder had wurkkaized az a portor at dhe Savoi Hotel in London, 
Ingland. Yiirs ov haaling stiimer trunks and hand luggaaj meed him
tu konkluud dhat hi kud impruuv dhe travelus aksessoris ov dhe rich
and famus.
	Hi waz korrektik. Dhe furst Gucci shop opened in Via Kondooti
in Roma, in 1938. Later shops opened in London, Paris and Nu York.
Even Prinses Margaret biikumed a Gucci klient.
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